corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
