You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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