Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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