when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there was a trapeze. enough said
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
