This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
