We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
