oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
