So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is my gift to your gina
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
