ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You made out with two different species that night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
