Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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