I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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