Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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