I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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