4 words: hood of his car
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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