I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
