my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Vodka?
Forever.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
