I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
