Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
