Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
