I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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