Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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