If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this boner is exhausting
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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