so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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