Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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