and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
