It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
