The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
