Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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