I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
