I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
