She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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