btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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