Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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