He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
