It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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