I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
