In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
