I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
