I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
