All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
