Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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