FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wear drunk well.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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