If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
