I CAN MOONWALK!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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