I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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