just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize