I accidentally burped into my bong.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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