he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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