that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
