a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
