I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize