ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
