Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
