it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
