Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize