Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
