I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
