After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
