I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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