Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
