went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
