i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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