....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
