Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
