In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
