the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
