i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
