Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize