I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
barbara walters just said penis...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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