Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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